Hemamalini did not want to pursue the subject further, and so after a short pause she went on : "When I endeavor to act according to your teaching I find myself continually brought up against obstacles and when I get diverted from your teachings I get terrified and reduced to despair. Do you think I shall never achieve stability of purpose ? Shall I always be liable to waver under external shocks ?"
Hemamalini's pathetic appeal made Nalinaksha to reflect.
"You must understand," he replied, after a brief pause, "that is in order to nerve us to effort that difficulties are placed in our way. You must not be discouraged."
Nalinaksha's words gave Hemamalini strength and mental tranquility that she badly needed. Even after he had gone her heart was conscious of his healing touch. She found a spiritual Guru in him. In that propitious moment the sunlight and the dazzling blue of the heavens showered creation's eternal blessing on her soul when she was standing outside her room after the departure of Nalinaksha.
The first shock of the announcement of the marriage proposal of Nalinaksha's mother had passed away and Hemamalini no longer shrank instinctively from the idea. More than ever she felt dependent on Nalinaksha and devoted to him. In his passionless altruism he was independent of woman's love, but to him, no less than to others, service was due. His mother was old and ill, and he had no one to care for him. To serve a man like him was a work of piety.
The chapter in Ramesh's history that came to her notice that morning caused her such a crushing blow that she had to summon up all her forces to shield herself from its cruel impact. She had no desire to sit in judgement and pass sentence on him. Her instinct was to banish from her mind all thoughts of Ramesh. When at times she envisaged Kamala's fate shudder passed over her, but after all, she asked herself, what link had she with the luckless suicide ? When shame, loathing, and pity reasserted themselves, clasping her hands she prayed : "O Lord, why do these thoughts vex me when I have committed no fault ? Release me, I pray Thee, from these earthly ties. Let them be served once for all. I desire nothing more, only that I may live at peace in this Thy world !"
Annada Babu wanted to know what impression the story of Ramesh and Kamala had made on Hemamlini, but he could not pluck courage to mention the subject openly.
"He seemed a good sort, that old fellow who came to see us this morning," he began, "I was really surprised at Ramesh's conduct. One had heard a good deal of gossip about him, but I never believed it till to-day. Still--"
"Don't let's talk about it, dad," she implored.
"I don't want to discuss it, dear," said Annada Babu, "but by the working of Providence our happiness and misery are inextricably bound up with one person and another and we cannot afford to ignore their conduct."
"No, no !" protested Hemamalini. "We cannot allow our happiness and misery to depend on any individual at all. I'm all right, dad. If you distress yourself unnecessarily about me you only make me ashamed."
"Hem, dear, I'm an old man and I shan't be happy till I see you settled. How can I die and leave you unmarried ! You see, dear, the fact that we have had disappointment should not lead us to spurn other valuable things that life has to offer. It may be that in your sorrow you do not see for the moment how you can make your life happy and useful, but remember I have no motive if I ask you not to reject the proposal that I communicated to you."
Hemamalini's eyelids fluttered as she exclaimed : "Please don't say that ! I should never reject any proposal that came from you. Whatever order you give me I shall obey. All that I ask for is an opportunity to purge my heart of doubts and to prepare myself first."
Annada Babu felt his daughter's cheek wet with tears, and laid his hand lightly on her head. He said nothing more to her.
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