THE WRECK; re-visited 40

               In her festive attire and her new-awakened self-consciousness Kamala seemed to Ramesh a new being. Beholding her suddenly in this guise he was thrown off his guard and succumbed to her charm. He slowly approached and paused for a moment or two before he addressed her softly. "Did you send for me, Kamala ?"
          Kamala winced at his words. "Most certainly not ! I did nothing of the kind. Why should I send for you ?" she answered with unnecessary vehemence.
         "Well, if you had sent for me it wouldn't have been a crime, Kamala."
         "I never sent for you !" repeated Kamala with redoubled emphasis.
          "Very well then, I have come without being invited. You won't surely send me away in disgrace on that account ?"
          "They'll all know that you've come and they'll be angry. Please go away at once. I didn't send for you."
          "All right," said Ramesh, taking her by the hand, "you come to my room instead ; there's no one else there,"
           Trembling in her limb Kamala tore her hand from his grasp, fled into the adjoining room, and shut the door.
          Ramesh understood now what had happened ; the whole thing had been a scheme concocted by one of the womenfolk. With all his nerves on edge he returned to the outer room. One perturbing thought after another coursed through his mind like clouds scurrying before the wind.
          Sailaja knocked at the door that Kamala had bolted, but there was no response. She thrust her hand through the venetians, pulled back the bolt, and entered the room. To her astonishment she found Kamala prostrate on the floor, her face buried in her hands, weeping. Unable to conceive what had reduced Kamala  to this pass Saila plumped down beside her and murmured gently, "What is it, dear ? What's the matter ? Why are you crying ?"
         "Oh, why did you send for him ? It was very wrong of you !"
          Kamala, no more than any one else, could assign a reason for her sudden and violent outburst of grief. No one knew of the hidden sorrow that she had been cherishing for days past.
          Kamala had been building for herself castles in the air and had just put the finishing touches when Ramesh entered. Had he broken in more gently upon her vision all might have been well, but at his supposition that she had sent for him her castles crumbled to earth. His attempt to keep her a prisoner at school during the holidays, his indifference to her on the steamer, these and other memories crowded in upon her. Spontaneous intimacy was one thing, mere obedience to a summons was quite another. It was only since coming to Ghazipur that she had realised the world of difference between the two.
         But Sailaja would never be able to understand. That there could be a real barrier between Ramesh and Kamala was beyond her powers of comprehension.
         With an effort she lifted Kamala's head on to her lap, exclaiming, "Tell me, dear, did Ramesh Babu say anything unkind to you ? Perhaps he was annoyed because my husband went to fetch him. You should have told him it was all my doing."
          "No, no, he said nothing about that ! but why did you send for him ?"
           "It was wrong of me," said Sailaja contritely, you must forgive me."
            Kamala sat up at once and threw her arms round Saila's neck. "Run away now, dear," she said, "Bipin Babu will be getting impatient."
           Meanwhile Ramesh went to deep thinking and at last he roused himself, "Enough of this," he said to himself ; "I'll go to Calcutta to-morrow and get through my business there. The longer I delay to make Kamala my wife the more of a scoundrel I feel !"  
 
,  

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          The lady of the house was taking a post-prandial nap behind closed doors and Sailaja went to Bipin. "You must give Ramesh Babu a message from Kamala," she said, "inviting him to her room. Dad won't mind and mother won't know anything about it."
         Bipin was a quiet, reserved youth, and he did not relish an errand of this sort ; however, he did not care to spoil his Sunday peace by demurring at his wife's instructions.
         Ramesh was lying on a rug in the outer room, with one knee up and his other foot resting on it, reading Pioneer. He had perused all the news of the day, and for want of something better to do had turned his attention to the advertisement pages when Bipin entered the room. Ramesh rose with alacrity, "Come along in, Bipin Babu, come along !" Though Bipin was not particularly companionable he was a distinct acquisition when it came to whiling away an afternoon in a strange place.
         Instead of sitting down, however, Bipin merely stood and scratched his head. "She wants you to come inside," he said.
         "Who ? Kamala ?"
         "Yes."
        Ramesh was taken aback. He had decided that for the future Kamala must be his wife in fact as well as in name, but the present enforced separation had been in the nature of a reprieve and he had gladly relapsed into his old state of indecision. True, he had rapturous visions of the happiness that would be his when Kamala became his true helpmate, but how was he to break the ice ? It would be no simple matter suddenly to throw off the restraint which had marked his relations with Kamala of late and he could not decide how to set about it. Consequently he had shown no particular haste in negotiating for a house.
        When he heard Bipin's announcement he assumed that Kamala merely wished to discuss some matter of business, and yet, though this was the view taken by his sober senses, a wave of emotion passed over him when he heard the summons. As he followed Bipin, he experienced something of the thrill of the lover going in quest of his mate.
        Bipin pointed to a door and then left him.
        Kamala had come to the conclusion that Sailaja had abandoned her schemes and had joined her husband , and she was sitting on the threshold of the outer door gazing out into the garden. Sailaja had unconsciously attuned Kamala to love. Just as the warm breeze outside set the leaves whispering and trembling, so from time to time the sough of a sigh in Kamala's breast set something quivering strangely there in inarticulate anguish.
        Suddenly Ramesh entered the room and stood behind her and she started up in consternation at his low-spoken cry of "Kamala !" The blood coursed through her veins and she who had never felt abashed in his presence before hung her head, unable to face him, and blushed crimson.       

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           Ramesh was now in treaty for a house which stood in an isolated position on the bank of the Ganges. To fetch his belongings and to go through the necessary formalities which would enable him to control himself at the Ghazipur bar, a journey to Calcutta was necessary ; but he shrank from revisiting the city. Matters had come to such a pitch that he could delay no longer to accept his position as Kamala's husband with all that it entailed. Though the thought of visiting Calcutta was like weight pressing on his head, unable to face the inevitable, he kept on postponing his departure.
        As space in the little bungalow of Chakrabartti was limited, Kamala had quarters in Chakrabartti's zenana, while Ramesh was housed in the outer rooms, and he and Kamala hardly ever saw each other. Sailaja confided to Kamala how much she regretted this unavoidable separation.
       "Why make such a fuss about it ?" asked Kamala. "It's nothing so very dreadful !"
      Sailaja laughed," What a hard-hearted young woman you are ! you can't deceive me with that kind of pretence ! I know quite well how hard it would be for young couple to spend separately even a single day." She explained how fast her husband is uxorious to her. To all appearances Sailaja was so absorbed in her reminiscences that she had lost all count of time ; yet the presence of Bipin Babu at the front gate made her jump towards the gate.
      It must not be supposed that Kamala regarded Sailaja's attitude to wedded life as mere delusion ; she had had glimmerings of the same feeling herself. At times during the first few months with Ramesh a certain chord had been struck which seemed to give her the key to some of the mystery of wedlock. But there had been nothing so deep or lasting in her own experiences up till now and the impression left on her was a fleeting one. There had been nothing between Ramesh and herself to compare with the fervor between Sailaja and Bipin. Her temporary separation from Ramesh had not caused her any inward pang, and she could not imagine Ramesh sitting outside the zenana trying devise subterfuges that would afford him a glimpse of her.
      When Sunday came and when Chakrabartti was out of town, expecting no strangers to the house through the front door as it was being locked in the absence Chakrabartti, Sailaja thought of a scheme for the rendezvous of Kamala and Ramesh.
      After Sailaja and Kamala returned from their bath in the river, "come along, dear, and we'll dry your hair," remarked Sailaja.
     "Is there any particular hurry to-day ?"
     "I'll tell you later ; let me do your hair first," replied Sailaja and she set to work of doing Kamalaja's hair. The next item was a heated argument about the dress that Kamala was to wear. Sailaja insisted on something brightly colored, while Kamala could not understand the motive underlying her insistence. Finally, however, she yielded the point.
      After the midday meal whispered something in her husband's ear and then she tried to induce Kamala to pay a visit to the men's part of the house.
      On previous occasions Kamala had shown no particular constraint about seeking Ramesh's society and she had never been taught that there was anything unconventional in such conduct. Ramesh himself had broken down the barriers of reserve at the outset and she had no confidante of her own sex to reproach her with impropriety. Yet on this occasion she shrank from yielding to Sailaja's importunity. She knew what it was that gave Sailaja the right of access to her husband. She was not conscious of possessing the same title herself, and she could not approach Ramesh in the guise of a suppliant.
       When Sailaja found that her exhortations had no effect on Kamala she came to the conclusion  that the girl was too proud to take the initiative ; of course pride must be at the bottom of it ! The pair had now been living apart for several days and yet Ramesh had never sought a pretext to visit his wife.        

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            Finding Kamala's decision to go to Ghazipur along with Chakrabartti inspite of Ramesh's  plan of going to Banares,  Chakrabartti did not altogether relish the situation."My dear, " he observed, "If you show me such partiality you'll make Ramesh Babu jealous" ; but Kamala merely repeated, "I'm going to Ghazipur." Her tone showed that she considered herself at liberty to act as she pleased.
          "All right, Uncle," said Ramesh,"Ghazipur let it be."
          In the evening the sky cleared after the rain and Ramesh sat till late in the moonlight meditating. "We can't go on this way any longer," he said to himself. "The situation will become impossible if Kamala turns rebellious. I don't see how I'm going to live with her and yet keep my distance. I can't keep it up any longer. After all, Kamala really is my wife. I regarded her  as my wife from the first, and I need have no scruples because we did not actually recite the regular formulas. Death himself gave her to me and made us one that night on the sandbank ; surely he is more potent than any earthly priest !"
       Between him and Hemamalini lay a hostile army in full panoply. How could he establish his innocence ? Even if he could prove himself guiltless, society would draw up, as it were, her skirts from contact with him, and the result would be so disastrous for Kamala that this course was inconceivable. Away with cowardice and wavering ! There was nothing for it but to make Kamala his wife indeed. Hemamalini must now regard him with aversion-an aversion which would have the advantage of inclining her favourably to the addresses of some other suitor. Ramesh sighed and flung his hopes of Hemamalini to the winds.
       It became evident that Kamala had taken sole command and assumed entire responsibility for the destination and the constitution of the party. Umesh, though destined to go to Benares, decided to keep himself in the company of Kamala.
       Uncle lived in a small bungalow along with his wife, Haribhabhini,  his younger daughter, Sailaja, along with Sailaja's husband Bipin. Bipin was employed in the opium factory in Ghajipur. Sailaja had a two year old daughter, Umi. Their elder daughter, Bidhu, lived with her husband in Allahabad.
      As soon as they reached Unclel's home, Kamala saluted Haribhabhini with due respect. The old lady in her turn touched Kamala on the chin, then kissed her own fingers and remarked to her husband, "Don't you think her very like our Bidhu ?" After getting formally introduced to each other and as they were seated, Sailaja made her appearance along with her daughter. Sailaja started conversation with the new guest with affection, but suddenly broke off with the remark, "Excuse me for a few minutes, dear ; I shan't be long." She then proceeded to explain a little self-consciously that her husband had just come in from his bath and that she must give him breakfast before he wentto thee office.
       "How did you know he had come in ?" asked Kamala in the innocence of her heart.
       "Now don't make fun of me," retorted Sailaja. "How does any one know that? Don't you know your husband's step when you hear it ?" She laughed, pinched Kamala's cheek, flung over her shoulder the loose end of her dress, snatched up Umi, and left the room.
       Kamala had not known before that the language of footsteps was so easy to learn. She gazed out the window absorbed in thought.    

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               Next morning the gale had abated somewhat, but still blew strongly. The skipper gazed anxiously at the sky undecided whether to weigh anchor or not.
              Chakrabartti paid an early visit to Ramesh in the cabin next to Kamala's. He was still in his bunk, but he sat up at once when he saw Chakrabartti. Perceiving that he had spent the night there and remembering the previous  evening's incident, the old man put two and two together. "I suppose you slept here last night ?" he said inquiringly.
            Ramesh evaded the question. "What a wretched morning !" he observed. "How did you sleep, Uncle ?"
           "Ramesh Babu," retorted Chakrabartti, "you must have been thinking me an old fool and I certainly talk like one, but I haven't come to my time of life without having to tackle many problems. I've been able to solve most of them, but you're the hardest one I've struck yet !"
           Ramesh flushed involuntarily, but he quickly regained control of his features and smiled. "It isn't a crime to be insoluble, Uncle. Take, for example, a language like Telugu. We'd find it difficult to grasp even the rudiments, but to a Telugu child it comes as easily as winking. You mustn't be hurry to condemn what you don't understand. When one encounters strange symbols one shouldn't look despairingly at them and give up hope of ever being able to decipher them."
          Chakrabartti understood Ramesh to have got offended by his probing about last night's conduct of Ramesh.
         "Forgive me, Ramesh Babu, it would be presumptuous of me to try and understand a man whose confidence I don't possess. When things are like this it's very hard to understand this puzzle like trying to understand Telugu. When you come to think it over, you won't be offended any longer," said the old man.
        Ramesh now began to wonder whether after all it was advisable to settle in Ghazipur. His first thought had been that their intimacy with the old man would be useful when it came to setting up house in a new place, but he now felt that there were disadvantages in having local acquaintances. If his relations with Kamala became a subject of discussion and inquiry it would go hard with her eventually. It would be safer to bury themselves in some place where all were strangers and there would be nobody to ask questions.
        Accordingly on the day before the steamer was due at Ghazipur he remarked to Chakrabartti, "Uncle, I don't think Ghazipur would suit me professionally, so I intend to go to Benares."
       Having got annoyed by constantly changing decisions of Ramesh, Chakrabartti went off without a word and began to pack.
       "Have you taken a dislike to me to-day,Uncle ?" asked Kamala slyly.
       "What can you expect when we quarrel from morning to night ?" he replied. "You know  I've never got the better of you yet ! Hasn't Ramesh told you that it has been decided that you're going to Benares," he said.
       Ramesh appeared in person while Kamala was packing the old man's clothes in a box and declared "We're not going to Ghazipur for the present, Kamala. I've decided to start practising in Benares instead. Are you agreed ?"
       "No,I'm going to Ghazipur," replied Kamala without lifting her eyes from Chakrabartti's trunk. "I've already packed up every thing."
        "Are you going there alone, then ?"asked Ramesh, taken aback by Kamala's decided refusal.
       "Oh no ; Uncle will be there-" this with an affectionate glance at the old man.





        

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        "Why, where is Ramesh Babu ?" he exclaimed in surprise ; "What more important has he got now than staying with the frightened girl here desperately requiring a companion in this dreadful weather ?"
        "Hello, is that you, uncle ? I'm in here, next door."
        Chakrabartti peeped into the adjoining cabin and saw Ramesh lying propped up in bed reading a book in the lamp light.
        "Your good lady is nervous, all by herself," he remarked, "you had better put away your book seeing that you can't frighten the storm away with it ! Come along in here."
          An uncontrollable instinct deprived Kamala of her self-command. "No, no, Uncle !" she ejaculated in a half-stifled voice, seizing him by the hand. In that howling tempest her voice did not penetrate to Ramesh's ears, but Chakrabartti heard and turned back in dismay.
         Ramesh laid down his book and entered the other cabin. "What's the matter, Uncle ?" he asked ; "Kamala and you seem to be-"
         "No, no !" interjected Kamala, without looking up at Ramesh ; "I just asked him to come in for a chat ." What she was negating when she exclaimed, "No, no !" she did not herself know, but the meaning behind the words was, "If you think I need some one to allay my fears you're mistaken ; I don't ! If you imagine that I require company you're wrong ; I do not !"
         "It's getting late, Uncle," she went on, "you had better go to bed ; you might just see if Umesh is all right. I'm afraid he may be frightened at the storm."
         "Shall I talk to you till you go to sleep ?" Ramesh asked Kamala.
         "No, thank you. I'm very sleepy."
        Ramesh fully understood the current of Kamala's thoughts, but he did not attempt to gainsay her. He saw at a glance the injured pride in her expression and slunk away to his cabin.
        Kamala was far too agitated to compose herself to sleep, but she forced herself to lie down. The waves were now running high as the storm increased in violence. The deck- hands were astir and at intervals the ting-ting of the telegraph conveyed some order from the master to the engine-room. The anchor alone did not suffice to hold the steamer in the teeth of the gale and the engines were now working slowly.
       Kamala threw off her bedclothes and stepped out on to the deck. The rain had ceased for the moment, but the wind roared like a stricken creature as it veered from one quarter to another. She could not define the emotion that stirred in her breast as she gazed upon the wild sky and the turmoil of the night ; it may have been fear and it may have been joy. The violence of Nature's revolt fascinated her .
      It was "No,no !" simply a blank refusal that the whirlwind vociferated as it swept from the uttermost confines of trackless space across the blackness of the night. What, then, was it refusing ? There could be no certain answer, but it was emphatically a "No, no, never ; no, no, no !"  

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         At Kamala's age doubts, fears, and anxiety find no abiding-place in the heart. Time no longer hung heavy on her hands and she had no inclination to brood over Ramesh's attitude towards her. She delighted in her role of mistress of a little household, and each day, as it went by, was like a fresh page in some book of artless poems.
      She faced the day's work every morning with renewed ardour. Umesh used to get down the steamer wherever it halted and fetch a full basket of vegetables and other house-hold requirements from the villages. He never failed to excite wonder among the members of the little party for the interest shown in the selection the vegetables.
      "My goodness, look at the gourds ! Where on earth did you get these beans ? Look, Uncle, he has brought sour beets ! I never knew one could get such things in these up-country places." Such were the exclamations that might be heard any morning over the basket. But Ramesh used to suspect him of pilfering in the village garden. Kamala would exclaim, "Why, I counted the money out to him myself !" and Ramesh would reply, "That only gives him a twofold opportunity ; he can steal both the money and the vegetables !" Then he would summon Umesh and bid him give an account of his expenditure.
       Of course the boy's figures could never be made to agree. If one went by his own statements the amount that he had spent always exceeded the amount that had been given him ; but that did not disturb Umesh in the slightest. As he said himself, "If I could keep accounts correctly I shouldn't be here at all, I'd be bailiff of an estate, shouldn't I, grandpapa ?" Chakrabartti got amused by the obedience of the boy and he could not resist taking the boy's side.
      "He hasn't many talents and if we allow this one to run to waste for lack of encouragement we'll regret it before we leave this steamer. Look here, Umesh, I'll want some nim leaves to-marrow-the higher up the tree the better they are," he put an indent for the next boy's visit of the village.
      The more Ramesh suspected and scolded Umesh the closer was the boy drawn to Kamala. With the adherence of Chakrabaratti, Kamala's party became independent of Ramesh.
      One morning the travellers rose to find the sky overspread with dark clouds while the breeze veered from one point of the compass to another. The surface of the river seemed to shiver from bank to bank. They were unable to cook their food for the supper and got it from the canteen. The squalls gradually increased in violence and the river foamed up in billows. The wind rose to a hurricane and the rain came down in sheets.
      Kamala had suffered shipwreck once and the force of the gale naturally alarmed her. She was afraid of staying alone in her cabin and sought Chakrabartti's company requesting him to sit by her side.
     Chakrabartti hesitated. "It's time you people were in bed. I had better-" He stepped inside as he spoke and at once noticed that Ramesh was not with her in the cabin.
 
     

















    

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         Ramesh found Trailakya to be sociable and friendly. He found reprieve from his burdened thoughts with the intrusion of Trailakya as a companion.
       "Is your wife on board ? You must forgive me, but I have already learnt from reliable source that she is on board."
      Ramesh felt momentary scruple against replying him in the affirmative. Chakrabartti went in the direction of kitchen.
    "Madam, I'm Uncle Chakrabartti of the west-country. you must not be shy of me. I see you're in possession of the  kitchen ; I've no one to look after me and I hope you won't deny me my share of the good things," he told her with unusual intimacy.
    She smiled so sweetly that Chakrabartti found her to be kind enough to him and thought that he was lucky enough to get his requirements served by the little lady. He  lent his hand in cleaning up the utensils and assisting her in the kitchen. He helped her in making refreshing butter milk and offered her a pot wrapped up in paper and containing pickles. He started explaining her about his cooking skills :
     "When I've made the buttermilk you take what you want for to-day and keep the rest for four days. Then taste it and you'll see that Uncle Chakrabartti makes no vain boast when he says he can prepare anything. Run away now and wash your hands ; it's nearly breakfast-time. I'll finish what cooking  there is to be done. I've plenty of experience. My wife has always been delicate and I've learned cooking every thing. You're laughing at the old man, but I'm not joking, it's the honest truth !"
      "You'll have to teach me how to make buttermilk which tastes so good," said Kamala, smilingly.
      The old man's society served to fill up the blank in Kamala's existence, while his appearance on the scene was a relief to Ramesh too. The pronounced contrast between Ramesh's present manner and the unrestrained intimacy which had characterized their relations in the first few months, when he had believed Kamala to be his wedded wife, had inevitably wounded the girl's feelings. Anything that would tend to divert her thoughts from him was welcome and would leave him free to seek a cure for his own heart-ache.
     "Well, Uncle," said Ramesh,"you had better decide where we are to disembark. Your recommendation will carry more weight than a blast from a steamer's whistle."
      "Dear me, you've learned very quickly how to make up your mind. Why, we've only know each other for a few hours. Well, you had better get off at Ghazipur. Will you come to Ghazipur, my dear ? They grow fine roses there, and that's where this old admirer of yours lives."
       Ramesh looked at Kamala and she at once nodded to show that she approved of the suggestion.
      Chakrabartti and Umesh now settled down for the afternoon in Kamala's cabin, somewhat to her embarrassment, leaving Ramesh disconsolate outside. The steamer ploughed  on steadily, and in the bright hues of the autumn sunshine the banks slid past like some peaceful but ever-changing vision-a panorama of rice-fields, landing-places, sandy slopes, farm-steadings, and tin-roofed markets, with here and there a little group of travellers waiting under the shade of an ancient banyan tree for the ferry-boat. From time to time the ripple of Kamala's laughter in the neighboring cabin reached Ramesh's ear through the pleasant stillness of the autumn afternoon. "How beautiful it is and how remote !" was the refrain that it set up in his heart.
     

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       Kamala began the next day with a feeling of lassitude ; the sunlight seemed to lack lustre, the river flowed languidly, and the trees on the bank drooped like tired wayfarers. When Umesh came to assist her with her work she said wearily, "Run away, Umesh ; you must not worry me to-day"; but Umesh was not easily repressed.
      "I'm not going to worry you, mother ; I've just come to grind the spices."
     Later her haggard look attracted Ramesh's notice. "Are you not feeling well, Kamala ?" he asked, but he received no reply. She signified by an emphatic shake of her head that she considered his inquiry superfluous and in bad taste, and departed towards kitchen.
      Ramesh realized that every day that passed accentuated the complexity of his problem and that there must be no further delay in finding a solution. He came to the conclusion that if he could only unbosom himself to Hemamalini it would be easy to decide where his duty lay. After prolonged reflection he sat down to write to Hem.
     He had been writing for some and then erasing what he had written, when he heard a strange voice. "May I inquire your name, sir ?" and he looked up in surprise. He saw before him an elderly gentleman with grey mustache and hair that thinned over the forehead.
    Ramesh's mind had been concentrated on his letter and he could not immediately collect his scattered wits.
    "You're a Brahman, aren't you ?" the stranger went on. "Good morning to you. Your name is Ramesh Babu ; that much I know already. If I have offended for being uncivilized in asking you like this, please excuse me. You've only to ask me and I'll tell you my name and my father's name too."
    "My name is Trailakya Chakrabartti, and I'm known to every one as 'Uncle Chakrabartti' up the whole west-country. By the way, sir, where are you bound for ?"
     "I haven't decided yet where to leave the steamer."replied Ramesh.
     "You're in no hurry to decide where to disembark. When it's a question of embarking, one has to decide in a hurry," commemted Trailakya.     

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         Kamala had been following the story with bated breath.
        "I only know that much ; I don't know any more. Only the first volume of the book from which I got that tale has been published so far, and I have no idea when the next volume will be out," announced Ramesh.
        Kamala having  been listening the story very eagerly became impatient at the sudden breaking of the story,"No, no, that's not fair. You must tell me the rest. You're very mean ; it was too bad of  you !" cried Kamala in vexation.
       "It's the author you should be angry with. . . . I only want to ask you this : What was Chet Singh to do with Chandra ?", asked Ramesh to find the reaction of Kamala. She thought for a long time with her eyes on the river.
      "I don't know what he could do ; I can't think at all," she said at last.
      Ramesh paused a for a minute, then went on, "Should Chet Singh tell Chandra every thing ?"
      "What funny things you say ! If he didn't tell her there would be an awful muddle ; it would be simply horrid ! Much better to tell the truth."
      "Much better," repeated  Ramesh mechanically ; he went on again after a pause : "Well, Kamala, supposing I were Chet Singh and you were Chandra, what could be my duty in that case and what would be yours ?"
      "Supposing what ? Please don't apply such proposition to us  ! I don't like it !" So saying Kamala rose abruptly from her chair and left him.
       Left to himself Ramesh decided not to call Kamala back, for there was no doubt that she was seriously annoyed. He strove hard to solve the knotty problem that his conscience set him. Clearly, he must give up either Kamala or Hemamalini ; there was no possible compromise by which he could retain both in his life. Nor was there any doubt which way duty pointed.
       Hemamalini had alternatives ; she could dismiss him from her mind and give her hand to another suitor ; but to forsake Kamala would be to cast her naked on the world. And yet-such a selfish being is man-Ramesh found no consolation in the fact that Hemamalini might forget him, that she had other resources, and that her sole salvation did not lie in him. Rather the thought intensified his craving for her. She seemed to hover before his vision, just out of reach, as though he had only to stretch out his hands to grasp her.
      He had let his head fall on his hands as he meditated. In the distance a jackal howled and set some of the village dogs barking incontinently. He raised his head  at the sound and his eyes fell on Kamala standing near him in the darkness by the rail. He rose from the chair.
     "Haven't you gone to bed yet, Kamala ? It's quite late."
     "Aren't you going to bed ?"
     "I'm just going ; I've put my bedding in the starboard cabin. You shouldn't wait up any longer."
      Kamala crept silently away to the cabin which had been allotted to her, very hesitantly for she dreaded solitude in the night with the sounds of jackals and dogs. She couldn't bring herself to tell Ramesh that she was afraid of going to bed alone. The obvious reluctance shown in her dragging gait caused Ramesh a pang.
     "Don't be afraid, Kamala," he called to her, "my cabin is next to yours and I'll leave the door open between them."                    


    

   

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         "On the day after the nuptials Indrajit installed the princess in a bejewelled and canopied litter and set forth for his country. With dread in his heart, as he remembered the evil planet that threatened mishap to his daughter, the king of Conjeveram laid his right hand on her head and gave her his farewell benediction. The queen could not restrain her tears as she kissed her daughter on the lips. In the temples a thousand priests were repeating incantations to propitiate the evil destiny.
       "Conjeveram is far distant from Madura- nearly a month's journey. On the second evening the Rajputs had pitched their tents on the banks of Vetsha river and were preparing for the night's rest when the blaze of torches was descried in the neighboring  forest. Indrajit sent a man-at -arms to investigate and he brought back the following report : 'The lights are those of a party like their own returning from a wedding and they are also Rajputs, escorting a bride like themselves to her husband's home. The road was unsafe, so they were craving the Highness's protection and prayed that Indrajit would convey them a part of the way.' The king readily accepted to succor them. So both the parties joined forces and  continued the further journey. On the third night they took to rest and ahead lay a range of hills and behind was a thick forest. The weary soldiers were soon deep in repose. "
        "Then in an instant, suddenly they found the Madura camp horses were galloping about madly, for some one had cut their picketing ropes. Here and there tents were blazing and people running helter-skelter. A desperate melee followed in darkness. In the darkness it was difficult to distinguish friend from foe and hopeless confusion was the result. Under cover of tumult the brigands sacked the camp and disappeared into the mountains with their booty."
      "When the fight was over the princess was nowhere to be seen. She had fled in terror from the camp and had joined a party of fugitives,  in the belief that they were her own people. As a matter of fact these fugitives belonged to the other bridal party. The fugitives imagined Chandra was was the bride whom they escorting and marched off with her at top-speed to their own land."
       "They belonged to an insignificant tribe of Rajputs living on the Carnatic coast. The princess duly met the chief-his name was Chet Singh- who was the destined husband of the other bride. Chet Singh's mother welcomed the girl and escorted her to her chamber, while the assembled kinsfolk murmured, 'Never have we seen such beauty !' Chet Singh saw that he won a prize, and he worshipped her inwardly, infatuated with her loveliness. Looking on Chet Singh as her lawful husband, Chandra resolved to devote her life to his service."
      "In few days the restraint that these two felt in each other's society wore off ; and as they talked,  Chet Singh discovered that the girl whom he had taken into his house as his bride was no other than the princess Chandra !"

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       "Once upon a time," Ramesh began, "there was a tribe of Rajputs and they had a peculiar custom. When one of them was going to marry he did not go himself to the bride's house but sent his sword. They considered it beneath them to go in person to the bride's house to be married. The king that the story is about belonged to that tribe. One day he-".
     Ramesh was interrupted by Kamala "You haven't told me what place he was  king of and what's his name." Kamala insisted on having everything cut and dried and would take nothing for granted. Had Ramesh been aware of this he would have come better prepared to the task. Having perceived her eager as she was to hear the story, he understood that he had to suffer to omit every detail of what he was to say.
   "His name was Ranjit  Singh, king of Madura. One day he heard from a minstrel that the king of Conjeveram,  Amar Singh, had a beautiful daughter, named Chandra. Ranjit Singh, king of Madura, despatched a herald to the king of Conjeveram asking for the princess's hand in marriage. Amar Singh, king of Conjeveram, readily gave his consent to the match. The royal astrologers made their calculations and fixed upon an auspicious day and hour for the wedding. The time chosen was the twelfth night of the dark fortnight,two hours after midnight.  That night all houses were festooned with garlands and the whole city was illuminated to celebrate the marriage of the princess Chandra."
    "'At the time of her birth the sage Paramananda Swami had announced to her father, 'The aspect of one of the planets portends evil to your daughter. When the time comes for her marriage do not divulge to her the name of the man whom she is to wed.' And thus the princess did not know who her destined husband was."
     "At the time appointed the princess went through the marriage ceremony with the sword. Ranjit Singh had deputed his younger brother, Indrajit Singh, to attend the marriage ceremony to perform the required formalities at the marriage ceremony. Indrajit Singh proffered the customary gifts on the bridegroom's behalf, and did obeisance to his brother's wife like Lakshman was to Rama, and did not raise his eyes to the face of the noble maid blushing behind the veil keeping his eyes fixed on her lovely little feet dyed with lac beneath the jingling anklets."
   

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        The sun went down behind the waste of sand. Ramesh was standing by the rail gazing across the river when Kamala stepped out her fenced-off kitchen and, halting at the cabin door, coughed gently to attract Ramesh's attention. As he did not turn his head she took her bunch of keys and rattled it against the door. She had to rattle loudly before he turned round and, seeing her, stepped across the deck to her side.
      "So that's your way of calling me, is it ?" he remarked.
      "I could not think of any other way."
      "Why, what do you think my parents gave me a name for ? Why not call out, 'Ramesh Babu !' when you want me for anything ?"
     Kamala felt distasteful pleasantry of a Hindu wife address her husband by his name ! The hue of  Kamala's cheeks vied with that of crimson sunset. "I don't know what you're talking about !' she exclaimed with averted face. "Look here, your supper's ready ; you had better eat it at once, as you didn't have a good breakfast to-day."
    The pleasure that he felt when she-without any reminder on his part-announced supper was an exhilarating reflection that someone had taken thought for him and that a beneficent agency had been at work on his behalf.
     After his supper, Ramesh dragged a cane chair up to the bow and sat there in the faint light of the new moon. He started recollecting how he got introduced to Hemamalini by Jogendra and the intimacy with her culminating in ineffable love. When Kamala appeared on the scene and made the riddle of of his existence an insoluble one, then only, in the swirl of opposing currents, did his love for Hemamalini take true shape and become a living thing. He threw up his head in the heat of resolve, and as he did so he caught sight of Kamala standing close by him with her arms resting on the back of another cane chair. His gesture startled her. "You must have been asleep, and now I've wakened you !" she exclaimed, and was turning penitently to leave him when he called her back. "It's all right, Kamala ; I wasn't asleep. Come and sit down, and I'll tell you a story."
     The prospect of a story gave Kamala a thrill of delight ; she pulled her chair close up to his and nestled into it. Ramesh had decided that she must know the whole truth, but he felt that without some preparation the shock of his avowal would be too much for her ; hence his invitation to her to sit down and hear a story.

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       Kamala got relieved of her unpleasant feeling that she was experiencing since she had heard that they are going home,  when she heard that they were going 'west'. The word "West" conjures up to stay-at-home folk !-sacred shrines, invigorating air, new places, new sights, the past splendours of kings and emperors, wonderfully wrought temples, fables of eld, and legends of the heroic age !

    "What places are we going to ?" asked Kamala in a flutter of delight.
   "I haven't decided yet. We pass Monghyr, Patna, Dinapore, Buxar, Ghazipur, and Benares, and we'll get off at one of these places." Some of these names were familiar to Kamala and some were not, but her imagination took fire as he reeled them off.
    "What fun it'll be !" and she clapped her hands.
     "The fun will come later, but we must first see abut feeding ourselves. You don't want meals from the crew's gally, I suppose !"
    "Heaven help us ! I should think not ! I'll do cooking."
    When Ramesh asked her whether she knew cooking, she burst in to laughter :" I don't know what you take me for ? What a little noodle you must think me ! Why, I did all the cooking at my uncle's."
     He went off soon and returned with an iron-stove ;nor was  that all. There was a lad called Umesh on board engaged by Ramesh as Kamala's assistant in the kitchen in return for his fare to Benares and a daily wage. In accordance with Kamala's directions Ramesh brought what all necessary for the preparation of the food. With the help of Umesh Kamala finished cooking, but they didn't have plates to serve the food. She could find a flat lid of the cooking-pot, cleaned it thoroughly, and laid it down in front of Ramesh. "You must use this to-day ; we'll get something better when we can."
    Ramesh fetched water, washed down a portion of the deck, and sat down to his meal, satisfied that he had compiled with his ceremonial obligations..
    He had taken only one or two mouthfuls when he exclaimed, "I say, how splendidly you cook !"
    "You needn't try to be funny !" protested Kamal in confusion.
     "I'm not being funny ; you'll see for yourself when your turn comes," and he very soon polished off his plateful and asked for more. Kamala gave him a much larger helping this time.
     "What are you doing ?" he exclaimed ; "have you left enough for yourself ?"
     "Oh, that's all right ! there's plenty left." She was delighted to see Ramesh enjoying his food.
     "What are you going to eat off ?" he asked next.
      "Why, the lid, of course,"she replied, serene in her belief that as his wife she might use his plate.
      "Oh no, you mustn't do that," cried Ramesh in horror.
      "Why not ?" asked Kamala surprised.
       "It would never do at all."
       "Of course it would ; I know what I'm about. What are you going to eat off, Umesh ?"
       "I'll get some sal leaves from the confectioner below deck," said Umesh.
       Ramesh's reflections, however, were profoundly disturbing. "How on earth am I to get this idea that we're man and wife out of her head ?" he asked himself.
      Kamala's neatness, dexterity, her cooking and nursing abilities, and cheerful alacrity with which she went about her duties enchanted Ramesh, but simultaneously he was assailed by tormentng questions : What were their future relations to be ? To keep her with him and to run her away were alike unthinkable. Where was he to draw the line in his daily intercourse with her ? If only Hemamalini had been one of the party everything would be simple ! But that was impossible, and he could think of no other solution to his present entanglement except telling the whole truth to Kamala.


        

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          Though love had sustained Hemamalini' faith in Ramesh, it couldn't hush the voice of reason  altogether. In solitude that night she felt restless finding her faith on Ramesh getting weakened. She laboured to bar out suspicion from the strong hold of her faith, yet doubts rained blows on the postern. It was like a mother who endeavours to protect her babe by clasping it to her breast and clutched her trust in Ramesh to her heart when assailed by the damning evidence against him. Annada Babu sleeping in the room next to her found Hemamalini keeping awake during most of the night.  Anxiety for his daughter had made his rest a disturbed one, and he had not fallen asleep till dawn was approaching. He woke up late in the morning and after a hasty toilet he went in search of Hemamalini who was not found in her bed-room. Finding her on the roof of the house alone caused him a fresh pang. He brought her down to the tea-table. It was her invariable custom to pour out his tea for him herself she didn't depart from her usual routine as it would distress her father otherwise.

    Jogendra was seriously offended when he perceived that his father and sister are not inclined to take him to their confidence and, on the other hand, attributing evil intentions against him. As a last resort, he burst out, " Do you know what has happened ? Ramesh started for home the night before last in the Goalunda mail, taking his wife with him. When he saw Akshay get into the train, he changed his plans and came back to Calcutta. In my opinion, his running away like a thief is simply disgusting. I don't know what Hem thinks of it, but I consider his flight sufficient evidence of guilt. Have I nothing to do with the man who was going to marry you ?"

     Trembling in every limb, Hemamalini rose to her feet and started saying; "I don't want your evidence, thank you. You can condemn him if you like, but I'm not his judge. You break the engagement or not just as you think fit ; but you needn't try to break my resolution." A fit of sobbing choked any further utterance ; Annada Babu rose and clasped her tear-bedewed face to his breast. "Come, dear, we'll go upstairs," was all that he said.

     The steamer in which Ramesh and Kamala had embarked duly left Goalundo depositing their belongings in a cabin. Kamala was imagining that they are going home ; but Ramesh revealed her that they are going to the west-country.    

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    After having arrived at Calcutta early on the following morning  Akshay first of all went to Ramesh's rooms in Darjjipara.  He found the door locked and was informed that no one had been there. He then proceeded to Kalutola, but the rooms there were also untenanted, so he went to Annada Babu's, the next door and announced to Jogendra, "He has bolted ! I could not catch him."

    Akshay related his experience in detail. Jogendra's suspicion of Ramesh turned to absolute certainty when he learned that he had taken to flight with Kamala at the mere sight of Akshay. "But after all," he said, "though we have this evidence it won't serve our purpose. Hemamalini and dad have never loosing faith in Ramesh till they hear the whole story from his own lips. Matters have come to such a pitch that if Rmesh were to come to-day and say, 'I can't tell you anything yet,' I'm sure dad would have no hesitation in allowing him to marry Hemamalini. Dad can't bear to see Hemamalini distressed about anything. If she went to him to-day and whimpered that she wanted to marry Ramesh even though he has another wife, I believe he would give his consent. Don't let us give up hope. I would tackle the job myself and,  probably, I should only come to blows with Ramesh !"

    As Akshay was seated drinking his tea Annada Babu entered the hall leading his daughter by hand. Seeing Akshay there she left the room immediately and went up-stairs.

    "It's is too bad of Hem !" exclaimed Jogendra hotly. "Dad, you must not encourage her in that sort of rudeness," and he shouted, "Hem ! Hem !" but she didn't respond.

    Akshay now intervened: "I really think you're spoiling my case, Jogen. It would be much better if you said nothing to her about me. Leave time to do its work. If you bully her now you'll only do irretrievable mischief." Akshay departed from there finding the things were odd against him.

     Akshay was a man with a  fund of inexhaustible patience. Even when the signals were against him his temper was very even.When insulted he neither looked haughty nor turned away in disgust. Snubs and slights left him unmoved, so thick was his hide. His friends might treat him in most cavalier fashion and he never even winced.

    Hemamalini came down after Akshay departed and Annada Babu brought her to the tea-table. She didn't raise her eyes for she couldn't face Jogendra. She knew that he was out of patience with Ramesh and  herself and that he had already passed a harsh sentence on them both, hence she shrank from meeting his eye.   

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     Ramesh carried Kamala off to Sealdah station in a carriage at nine o'clock that night. Under his instructions the driver took a circuitous route by  the Kalutola lanes, and Ramesh thrust his head eagerly out of the window as the carriage passed a certain house. He noticed no change in any of its familiar features.

    They arrived at the station in good time and were soon ensconced in the second-class compartment which Ramesh had reserved for the journey. He made a bed for Kamala on one of the lower berths, lowered the light, closed the shutters and asked her to sleep over it as it is already long past of her bed-time. Kamala took fancy to sit by the window for some time before the train started to watch the crowds on the platform while Ramesh himself sat in the centre  of the berth and gazing out absent-mindedly.  The train had just begun to move when his eyes fell on a belated passenger hurrying up the platform and whose features vaguely familiar to him.

    Ramesh put his head out and observed the late arrival struggling in the grasp of one of the station officials who tried to hold him back from the moving train. He succeeded, however, in boarding the train, though his shawl remained in the official's hand. As the tardy one leaned forward out of the carriage window and reached for the shawl Ramesh recognized him as-Akshay.

   The girl went to bed at half-past ten as train started moving but Ramesh's thoughts were reeling  around Akshay. Ramesh knew that Akshay had no country home ; his family had lived in Calcutta for generations. Ramesh came to the conclusion that he and Kamala were being shadowed.

   The idea that Akshay would institute inquiries in his native village was most distasteful to Ramesh ; his reputation would inevitably become the sport of contending factions there, and the whole business would appear unspeakably sordid.

  Ramesh watched carefully at every station that the train had halted to see whether Akshay would alight the train, but found no signs of it till they finally reached Goalundo-the terminus at which the passengers embark for Eastern Bengal-and Ramesh caught sight of Akshay hurrying towards the river-steamers, with his head and face muffled in a shawl, carrying a hand-bag. The boat which was bound for Ramesh's village would not start for some hours, but there was another at the landing-place, with steam up, whistling impatiently. On enquiry Ramesh was told that the steamer starting then was to go West up to Benares.

   Ramesh installed Kamala in one of the cabins and hurried ashore to lay in a stock of rice and pulse, milk and plantains,for the journey. Meanwhile Akshay embarked on the steamer that is ready to start expecting Ramesh and Kamala to embark later.  As Ramesh was not to be seen there till the gang-plank had been withdrawn and the steamer started moving, Akshay having no idea of Ramesh's native place, leaped off on to the shore and searched for Ramesh. There was no trace of Ramesh.

   The morning train to Calcutta just steamed out and Akshay came to the conclusion that Ramesh had espied him when he struggled to enter the train, and that, supposing him to have some hostile intention, Ramesh had abandoned his journey to his native place and doubled back to Calcutta by the morning train.

   Akshay spent whole day kicking his heels in Goalundo and in the evening he boarded the mail train for Calcutta.     

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        As soon as Hemamalini opened her eyes she preferred for Akshay to go away from there immediately and Akshay went  out in to the passage.

     Annada Babu sat down on the sofa beside her and gently stroked her hand and neck. Her eyes filled with tears and her bosom began to heave.She leaned her breast against her father's knee in an attempt to repress her uncontrollable grief.

    "Never mind, dear, never mind," murmured Annada Babu in broken accents. "I know Ramesh well and he would never deceive us. Jogen must have made a mistake."

    Jogendra tried his best to make them believe him and take his proposals to be followed. Hemamalini raised her head from her father's knee, sat up, and looked Jogendra in the face. "I tell you plainly that I'll never believe it till I hear it from his own lips," and she staggered to her feet. Annada Babu sprang up with an exclamation and saved her from falling. She left to her own room saying "Please leave me to myself for a little, dad, and I I'll go to sleep."

   Annada Babu retired in to his room and started recollecting his affinity to Hemamalini ever since his wife died when Hemamalini was three years old. His thoughts of Hem's mother with her devotion, her patience, and her unfailing cheerfulness made his heart torn with anxiety for the daughter for whom he had endeavoured all these years to take a mother's place and who had grown up to be the image of the lost one. He found himself mentally addressing the prostrate girl. "Dear, I pray that Heaven may remove all obstacles from your path and that you may be happy all the rest of your life. I pray that before I join your mother I may see you blissful and contented, safely installed by the hearth of a man whom you love !" and he wiped his moist eyes with the fringe of his coat.

      For Jogendra, having rated women's intelligence low,  the day's events only confirmed him his estimate. Finding the unyielding faith of his father and sister in Ramesh, he hailed Akshay.

   Akshay sidled into the room. "You've heard everything. What is to be done now ?" asked Jogendra.

   "Why do you drag me into it, old man ? It's no concern of mine. I've kept quiet all these days. It was hardly fair play to involve me in the mess !" replied Akshay.

   They decided to induce Ramesh to personally write Hemamalini and left the matter to remain there.  

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        Hemamalini took a chair without a word and resigned herself to an inquisition.

       "Haven't you noticed anything suspicious about Ramesh's behavior ?" began Jogendra by way of breaking  the news gently to her.

      Hemamalini merely shook her head.

      "He had the marriage postponed for a week ; what reason could he have had that he could not disclose to us ?"

     "There must have been some reason, " said she without raising her eyes.

    "You are perfectly right ; there was a reason, but isn't that suspicious enough in itself ?"

    Hemamalini signified by a shake of the head that she did not think so.

    Jogendra broke out harshly : "You remember when Ramesh went home with his father ? We did not hear from him for a long time after that and naturally we thought his conduct strange. You know, too,that in the old days he lived next door to us and used to drop in twice a day, while after he returned to Calcutta he burrowed somewhere miles away and never even called. Even then you two continued to believe in him and you invited him back on the old footing. Such a thing could never have happened if I had been hear. Did either of you make any attempt to fathom the meaning of his extra-ordinary behavior ? Did you never feel the slightest curiosity about it ? You seem to have had very strong faith in him. "

   Hemamalini sat silently.

   Jogendra further added, "I hope you'll believe what I have personally found about him. I went personally to the girls' school and found that Ramesh has a wife who is a boarder there, and he had arranged to leave her there for the holidays. The school broke up to-day, and Kamala was deposited by the school omnibus at their old rooms in Darjjipara. I went there myself and found Kamala peeling and cutting up an apple while Ramesh was sitting on the floor in front of her taking the pieces from her and eating. I asked Ramesh for an explanation and he said he would tell us nothing. If he had made the least attempt to deny that Kamala was his wife we should have accepted his word and should have endeavoured  to allay our suspicion, but he would neither affirm nor deny it. Can you continue to trust him after that ?"

    Hemamalini turned strangely pale, her head fell forward, and she sank unconscious to the ground. Annada Babu's distress was pitiful. He raised his daughter's head from the floor and laid it on his breast, exclaiming, "What is it, dear, what is it ? Don't believe a word they say ! It's all lie."

    Jogendra thrust his father aside and at once lifted Hemamalini on to the sofa. He picked up a jug of water and sprinkled drops on her face, while Akshay fanned her vigorously with a hand punkah.

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      With a mighty effort Ramesh freed himself from the tangle of his thoughts and set about engaging Kamala in conversation. He started asking her about her studies in the school. He enquiered about what she had been learning at school for which she explained all that she learnt and launched forth on an account of the other girls, of the teachers, and of the school routine. Ramesh became absent-minded again,but murmured assent now and then.  Kamala observing his mood said; "you're not listening to me at all ! Aren't you well ? What's is the matter  ?" Kamala bent on entertaining him with her newly-acquired learning.

     Jogendra and Akshay appeared at anxiously waiting Annada Babu.

    "Well dad," began Jogen,,"I could never have believed that you would let Ramesh go so far. I shouldn't have introduced him to you if I had foreseen what would happen."

   "You've often told me yourself how pleased you would be if Ramesh married Hemamalini. I don't see how there can be any 'still' about it ! One had either to let go on or stop it ; there's no middle course," added Annada Babu.

    Akshay now broke in with a smirk, "There are some things that go forward of their own momentum ; one doesn't need to push them. They go on swelling till they're ready to burst. Still, it's no good crying over spilt milk. We had better decide now what to do next."

   Jogendra explained about what information he could gather with the help of Akshay saying that they saw Ramesh in the bosom of his family and made his wife's acquaintance and it was to be married that he went home. On hearing that strange news Annada Babu expressed his surprise, " I thought his father's death had knocked that on the head." Jogendra could convince him that Ramesh was married before his father died.

   Annada Babu was quite dumbfounded; "In that case he can't marry our Hem. But preparations for the wedding are almost complete. We wrote to every one saying that it could take place this Sunday and had been put off to the following Sunday. I suppose we'll have to write now and say that it's off altogether ?",he asked.

   Jogendra came forward with an idea to avoid the predicament. He proposed Akshay in the place of Ramesh and carry through the ceremony next Sunday as planned.

  Annada Babu was aghast with the unexpected turning point and started saying; " I pity at Ramesh for it's only yesterday we settled that he should go and practise at Etawah after the marriage, and look what has happened since ! Moreover you'll need to get Hem's consent."

   "Well, you needn't trouble about Ramesh any more. Let him go and practise at Etawah if he likes. I had better call in Hem at once. There isn't much time to lose," expressed Jogendra.

   He went out and returned in a minute or two with Hemamalini. Akshay took cover behind a bookcase in the corner.  

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       Ramesh told her that he told the visitors that there was no relationship between them and waited for her reaction. She regarded this kind of pleasantry as extremely bad state and turned away angrily exclaiming, "Don't be silly !" Ramesh wondered if he could possibly tell Kamala the whole truth.

    Kamala brought the plate of fruits which they had left out when Jogendra and Akshay had arrived "Aren't you going to have some ? You are hungry, anyway,"she asked, setting the plate down in front of him.

   Ramesh's appetite had gone, but he was touched by this little attention. The innocent girl's delusion brought him to the verge of tears. Speech failed him, but he controlled himself and began to eat.When he had finished he remarked, We must be off home to-night, Kamala." at this announcement Kamala's face fell. "I don't want to go there,"she said.

    "Would you like to stay at school ?" he asked.

    "No, don't send me back to school ; the girls there only ask me why you wanted to leave me at school for the holidays," she said.

   "You tell them that I'm nobody to you," suggested Ramesh.

    Kamala glanced impatiently at him out of the corner of her eye. "Don't be silly !"she repeated.

    Ramesh remained in a state of confusion ; his secret was like a worm in his vitals trying to gnaw its way out, and the process was painful. His mind was distraught with tormenting questions of what Jogendra might have told Hemamalini by now and how she would have taken the news.How could he explain the true state to her ? How could he bear eternal separation from Hemamalini ?  His relations to Kamala had become a topic of absorbing interest to his friends and his enemies in Calcutta.His false step in describing Kamala as his wife would inflate the rumours that were already current Not another day could he remain in the place with her.

   Kamala noticing his abstraction glanced up at him said. "What are you worrying about ? If you want to go and live at home,I'll come too. I say , you weren't annoyed because I didn't want to stay on at school for the holidays, were you ? Tell me the truth, now !"

   "To tell you the truth," replied Ramesh, "it was myself I was annoyed with, not you."

THE WRECK; re-visited 19

       
       Upon hearing Ramesh, Jogendra being not satisfied with the Ramesh's explanation came down on him:
" Well, may I put a few questions to Kamala about this ?"
  "Most certainly not ! If you consider me guilty you can pass on me whatever sentence you think fit. Kamala is perfectly innocent, and I will not expose her to your cross-examination."
   ' It's is quite unnecessary to question anybody at all. I've found out all that there is to know. You have given me sufficient proof. I tell you most distinctly that if you set foot in our house again you will have to submit to insult, " warned Jogendra. He further added, " I've something more to say. You're not to write to Hemamalini or hold any communication with her - openly or in secret. If you write to her I'll publish abroad the secret that you wish to keep with the secrets that I have. If any one asks us now why your engagement to Hemamalini has been broken off I'll say it was because I refused my consent to the marriage ; I shan't give the true reason. But if you're not careful the whole story will come out. Do not think I have the least sympathy for you ; it is only because this matter affects my sister, I've let you off  so lightly. My last word to you is never to give the least indication, by speech or behavior, that you ever had any acquaintance with Hemamalini. It's no good exacting any promise from you ; I can't expect sincerity from you after such deceit."

   Jogendra and Akshay went out, leaving Ramesh too stunned to move. When his numbed senses began to recover from the shock his first impulse was to go for a brisk walk and review the situation in the open air, but he remembered that he could not leave Kamala alone in a strange place. When he went into the next room he found Kamala sitting by the window overlooking the street ; Ramesh squatted on the floor.

  "Who were these men ?" asked Kamala ; "they came to our school this morning. They asked me what relation you were to me."





  

THE WRECK; re-visited 18

     Akshay was the first to speak. "I beg your pardon, Ramesh Babu. I thought we should find you alone. Jogen, we shouldn't have dropped in on him like this without warning. Come along, we'll go and wait downstairs." Kamala leapt to her feet and left the room.  Jogendra's eyes ,however, set on her face and stared  fixedly at her. Kamala fled in confusion into an adjoining room.

    "Ramesh, who is that girl ?" demanded Jogendra.

    "A relation of mine," answered Ramesh.

    "What is the relationship ?" asked Jogendra ; "she's not one of your elders, and I presume the tie has not been created by affection. You've told me about all your relatives, yet I never heard any thing about this one."

   "Steady on, Jogen," broke in Akshay. "Surely there are things that a man likes to keep secret even from his friends."

   "Well, Ramesh," said Jogendra, "is this such a great secret then ?"

    Ramesh turned red. "Yes, it is a secret," he said. "I should prefer not to discuss this girl with you."

    "But unfortunately," retorted Jogendra, "I perticularly want to discuss her with you. If you hadn't been engaged to Hemamalini there would be no need to investigate the ramifications of your family tree ; you might have kept your own secrets."

   "This much I can say," said Ramesh ; "there is no one in the world with whom I have formed such a connection as would be a bar to my marrying Hemamalini with a clear conscience."

    "There may be no bar from your point of view, but there may be one from the standpoint of Hemamalini's relations. I'll merely ask you this much-whether you're related to her or not, why do you keep her hidden away here ?" asked Jogendra.

    " If I tell you my reason the secret will be out. Can't you take my word for it without asking for reasons ?", replied Ramesh. The further enquiry went on :

   "Is this girl's name Kamala or not ?" asked Jogen.
    "It is ,"  came the reply.
    "Have you  or have you not passed her off as your wife ?", added Jogen.
   "I have," was the answer.
    "Do you expect me to believe you then ? You want to tell us she isn't your wife. You've told every one else that she is. You don't set a very good example of veracity," said Jogen to put Ramesh at guilt.

   " You mean, it's is hardly the sort of instance that one would use in college lecture on truthfulness. But after all, my dear Jogen, it may be necessary in practice to tell two different stories to two different sets of people when the circumstances are exceptional. The probabilities are that one or other of the stories is correct.
Perhaps what Ramesh Babu told you is true after all," Akshay added his fuel.

  Ramesh gave his final reply. "I'm not going to tell you people anything at all. I only say this much, that I am doing Hemamalini  no wrong in marrying her. I have a very good reason for refusing to discuss  Kamala's affairs with you. It would be wrong  for me to do so, however suspicious you may think my conduct. If it were only a question of my happiness and reputation I should keep nothing from you. But I decline to say anything, when by doing so I may jeopardise another's future. I'll tell Hemamalini everything  after we're married. If she likes, I'll tell her even now." 

THE WRECK; re-visited 17

Ramesh's plan of leaving her at school during the holidays, and his apparent neglect had cost her many ways. This recollection combined with their long separation was to produce in her a sense of estrangement. So Kamala after her entrance refused to look at Ramesh and kept her eyes fixed on the open door.Her appearance was a surprise to him; he found an astounding change in her. Her face had lost its youthfulness, and her features had become more pronounced and had gained difference. Her face had lost its youthful roundness, and the dark sleekness of her cheeks had given place to a delicate pallor, and her gait and movements were free and unconstrained.

   After her entry Ramesh found her standing erect with head half-averted in front of the open window, her head was bare, her braided tresses, tied with a red ribbon, hung down her back, and her merino robe of a saffron tint was fastened tightly around her half-developed body. Ramesh gazed at her for some moments in silence. Now with its added lustre  it startled him profoundly and found him unprepared to resist her charm.

   "Sit down, Kamala," he bade her. Kamala sat down without a word.

   "How's school ?" he went on.

   "All right," she answered curtly.

   Ramesh offered her something to eat for which she said that she had already had her food before she started from the school. As he started observing her, he found; a beautiful face is like diviner's rod, it draws out any beauty that lurks in its surroundings.  He hurried out and fetched a plateful of apples, pears, and pomegranates.

    "You don't seem to want anything, Kamala," he said, "but I'm hungry and I can't hold out any longer." Kamala smiled, and the light of that unexpected smile dissipated the fog that had come between them. Ramesh took a knife and began to slice an apple, but he was quite devoid of any kind of dexterity. His avid haste and his clumsy attempts to cut the fruit were too much for Kamala, and she burst out laughing. Her unrestrained merriment delighted Ramesh. "I suppose you're laughing because I'm no good at cutting apples," he said.  "All right, just show me how you can do it." Kamala advised him to get a chopper to cut the fruit with   ease.

    When he brought chopper Kamala took off her shoes, sat down, and deftly peeled the apple ; then she began to cut it into slices. Ramesh sat down in front of her and caught the slices on a plate. "You'll have to eat some too," he said.

    "No, thank you," said kamala.

    " Then I shan't have any."

    Kamala looked up at him. " All right ; you have some first, and then I'll have some."

    They started sharing the fruit and set out eating.

    In that instant he saw something that arrested his jaws.  Jogendra and Akshay were standing opposite him outside the door.     

THE WRECK; re-visited 16

       Hemamalini chafed at the suspicious attitude shared by Akshay and Jogendra, and she was reluctant to admit to Jogendra that Ramesh had given her no reason for postponing the wedding. On  the other hand she refused to tell a downright lie.

      "He was prepared to tell me, but I didn't think it necessary," she answered.

     "All right, don't be afraid ; I'll make him disclose his reasons this very day," aloud he said. His heart hardened against Ramesh, and his determination to force him to state his "reasons" became stronger than ever.  Hemamalini caught him by the arm and said, " Promise not to breathe a word of this to Ramesh."

      "Look here, Hem, he may have given you some explanation that you're keeping to yourself, but at present it's more our concern than yours to hear his explanation," so saying Jogendra hurried off to Akshay.

     He straight- away asked "Akshay,can you tell me where Ramesh has gone."

    "Shan't tell you yet," said Akshay. " T'll confront you with him at three this afternoon. I'll tell you the whole story from the start ; most of it will be new to you."

    Ramesh made preparations for Kamala to continue staying in the same lodgings in Darjjipara.He had few hours left before Kamala's arrival from her boarding school. He imagined his future stay in Etawah to hire a bungalow on the outskirts of the town in which he could keep Kamala as company to Hemamalini till he would be able to solve the life problem of Kamala. He had decided to tell Kamala nothing till after the marriage. Then Hemamalini would watch for her opportunity and taking Kamala to her heart would unfold her real life's history to her with loving tenderness-as painlessly as possible would unravel the meshes of intricate net in which Fate had wound her. And thus, far away fro home, cut off from all their acquantance, Kamala would drop into her place in their little household without shock or strain.

     His dreams were interrupted by the noise of wheels of a large vehicle that had driven up to his door and stopped there. It was school omnibus bringing Kamala, and his pulse quickened. To him,  the disturbing questions; how was he to receive Kamala ? what would be her attitude to him ?  He could not face the prospect with equanimity. His two servants waiting at the door brought Kamala into the lodgings along with her trunk.

     "Come in, Kamala," said Ramesh and Kamala, overcoming a momentary impulse of hesitation, entered the room.

THE NATURAL STATE-Miracles Experienced by U.G.Krishnamurti Chapter 1.2

All kinds of funny things happened to me. I remember when I rubbed my body like this, there was a sparkle, like a phosphorous glow, on the body. She [Valentine] used to run out of her bedroom to see—she thought there were cars going that way in the middle of the night. Every time I rolled in my bed there was a sparkling of light [Laughs] and it was so funny for me—"What is this?" It was electricity—that is why I say it is an electromagnetic field. At first I thought it was because of my nylon clothes and static electricity; but then I stopped using nylon. I was a very skeptical heretic, to the tips of my toes, I never believed in anything; even if I saw some miracle happen before me, I didn't accept that at all—such was the make-up of this man. It never occurred to me that anything of that sort was in the making for me.

Very strange things happened to me, but I never related those things to liberation or freedom or moksha, because by that time the whole thing had gone out of my system. I had arrived at a point where I said to myself "Buddha deluded himself and deluded others. All those teachers and saviors of mankind were damned fools—they fooled themselves—so I'm not interested in this kind of thing anymore," so it went out of my system completely. It went on and on in its own way—peculiar things—but never did I say to myself, "Well, [Laughs] I am getting there, I am nearer to that." There is no nearness to that, there is no farawayness from that, there is no closeness to that. Nobody is nearer to that because he is different, he is prepared. There's no readiness for that; it just hits you like a ton of bricks.

The whole thing is finished for me and that's all. The linking gets broken and once it is broken it is finished. Then it is not once that thought explodes—every time a thought arises it explodes. The division cannot stay there, it's a physical impossibility. You don't have to do a thing about it. That is why I say that when this explosion takes place (I use the word explosion because it's like a nuclear explosion) it leaves behind chain-reactions. Every cell in your body has to undergo this change.

It's an irreversible change. There's no question of your going back. It is like a nuclear explosion. It shatters the whole body. It is not an easy thing. It is the end of the man, such a shattering thing that it blasts every cell, every nerve in your body. I went through terrible physical torture at that moment; not that you experience the explosion—you can't experience the explosion—but its after-effects. The fallout is the thing that changes the whole chemistry of your body. The senses are operating now without any coordinator or center, that's all I can say. Unless that alchemy or change in the whole chemistry takes place, there is no way of freeing this organism from thought, from the continuity of thought.

The blinking of the eyes stopped and then there were changes in taste, smell and hearing. I noticed that my skin was soft like silk and had a peculiar kind of glow, a golden color.

I no longer spend time in reverie, worry, conceptualization and the other kinds of thinking that most people do when they're alone. My mind is only engaged when it's needed, for instance when you ask questions, or when I have to fix the tape-recorder or something like that. My memory is in the background and only comes into play when it's needed, automatically. When it's not needed there is no mind here, there is no thought; there is only life.

My body had gone away and it has never come back. The points of contact are all that is there for the body. Nothing else is there for me because the seeing is altogether independent of the sense of touch here. I had discovered that all my senses were without any coordination. I felt the life energy drawing to a focal point from different parts of my body. Even now it happens to me. The hands and feet become cold, the body becomes stiff, the heartbeat slows down, the breathing slows down and then there is a gasping for breath. Up to a point you are there. You breathe your last breath, as it were, and then you are finished.

What happens after that, nobody knows. How long it lasted I don't know. I can't say anything about that because the experiencer was finished. There was nobody to experience that death at all. So that was the end of it. I got up. The things that had astonished me that week had become permanent fixtures. I call all these events a calamity because from the point of view of one who thinks this is something fantastic, blissful, full of love, ecstasy and all that kind of a thing, this is physical torture. Not a calamity to me but to those who have an image that something marvelous is going to happen.

It's something like you imagine New York. You dream about it. You want to be there. When you are actually there, nothing of it is there. It is a godforsaken place and even the devils have probably forsaken that place. It's not the thing that you had sought after and wanted so much but totally different.

What is there you really don't know. You have no way of knowing anything about that. There is no image here. Then suddenly, there was an outburst of tremendous energy shaking the whole body, vibrating. It lasted for hours. I couldn't bear it but there was nothing I could do to stop it. There was a total helplessness. This went on and on, day after day. Whenever I sat, it started—this vibration like an epileptic fit or something. Not even an epileptic fit; it went on for days. It was a very painful process because the body has limitations. It has a form, a shape of its own.

So when there is an outburst of energy which is not your energy or my energy but God's (call it by any name you like) it is like a river in spate. The energy that is operating there does not feel the limitations of the body. It is not interested. It has its own momentum. It is a very painful thing. It is not ecstatic, blissful and all that rubbish, stuff and nonsense. It is really a painful thing.

Oh I suffered for months before and after that, everybody has—a great cascade; not one but thousands. It went on and on for months. It's a very painful experience, painful in the sense that the energy has a peculiar operation of its own. It is clockwise, counterclockwise, and then it is this way, and then this way, and then this way. Like an atom, it moves inside—not in one part of your body—the whole body. It is as if a wet towel were being wrung to get rid of the water. It is like that—the whole of our body. It's such a painful thing. It goes on even now. You can't invite it. You can't ask it to come. You can't do anything. It gives you the feeling that it is enveloping you, that it is descending on you.

Every time it is new. Very strange, every time it comes in a different way. So you don't know what is happening. You lie down on your bed and suddenly it begins. It begins to move slowly like ants. I'd think there were bugs in my bed, jump out, look, see no bugs, then I'd go back, then again. The hairs are electrified. So it slowly moves. There were pains all over the body. Thought has controlled this body to such an extent that when that loosens, the whole metabolism is agog. The whole thing was changing in its own way without my doing anything. Every cell started changing and it went on and on for six months. In all, it took three years for this body to fall into a new rhythm of its own. I behaved normally, I didn't know what was happening. It was a strange situation.

The state is something natural. Do you see the swellings here? Yesterday was the new moon. The body is affected by everything that is happening around you. It is not separate. Whatever is happening there is also happening here. There is only the physical response. This is affection. Your body is affected by everything that is happening around you, and you can't prevent this for the simple reason that the armor that you have built around yourself is destroyed. So it is very vulnerable to everything that is happening there.

There are certain glands. These ductless glands are located in exactly the same spots where the Hindus speculated the chakras are. They have feelings, extraordinary feelings. There is one gland here which is called the thymus gland. Doctors tell us that is active through childhood until puberty then becomes dormant. In your natural state that gland is reactivated.

[Up and down his torso, neck and head, his friends observed swellings of various shapes and colors which came and went at intervals. On his lower abdomen, the swellings were horizontal, cigar-shaped bands. Above the navel was a hard, almond-shaped swelling. A hard, blue swelling like a large medallion in the middle of his chest was surmounted by another smaller, brownish-red, medallion-shaped swelling at the base of his throat. These were as though suspended from a varicolored, swollen ring—blue, brownish and light yellow—around his neck. His throat was swollen to a shape that made his chin seem to rest on the head of a cobra, as in the traditional images of Shiva. Just above the bridge of the nose was a white, lotus-shaped swelling. All over the head the small blood vessels expanded, forming patterns like the stylized lumps on the heads of Buddha statues. The arteries in his neck expanded and rose, blue and snake-like, into his head.]