Dearest,
You must not regard this form of address as a mere epistolary convention, Kamala. I should never address you as "dearest" were you not actually the person whom I love most in the world. If you have entertained any doubts-if I have ever wounded your feelings, may the fact in all sincerity I address you as "dearest" dissipate those doubts and assuage the pain of those wounds for ever !
What need to enlarge on this ? Much of my behavior in past must have pained you. If in your heart you indict me for that, the charge is one that I can not refute. I can only reiterate that you are my dearest and that there is none for whom I cherish the same affection. This may not be a complete defence for all my shortcomings of behavior, but it is the only one that I can offer. So, Kamala, in addressing you as "dearest" I draw the sponge over all our doubt-infested past and lay the foundations for our future love. Believe me, I have no thought for any one but you and you are indeed my "dearest." If you are once firmly convicted of this,doubts and questionings may be finally set at rest.
I would ask you next if I have won your love or not, but dare not ask that. Love prompts the question and I do not for an instant doubt that one day it will be answered. No words will be uttered, but heart will speak to heart ; it is my love for you that gives me this assurance. I do not boast myself worthy of you, but I feel that my adoration cannot be in vain.
I fully realise that this letter reads like a laboured composition and for that reason I have an impulse to tear it up ; but it is impossible for me yet to write a letter that will truly express my feelings. After all, letters are things that two persons must interchange. In the first letter of a series the writer can hardly give true expression to his sentiments. When our two minds are in full communion then I shall be able to write to you letters that are real letters. Only when the doors on both sides of a room are open can the wind blow trough it freely.
Kamala, dearest, when shall I find the door of your heart ?
All this will come to fruition slowly and haste would defeat its own purpose. I shall reach Ghazipur on the morning of the day after you receive this. I beg that I may find you in our house on my arrival. We have been long homeless and I can endure this life no longer. Now at last I look forward to crossing our own threshold and beholding in the queen of my heart the mistress of my house. That moment will be our second "auspicious look."
Do you remember our first on that moonlight night by the riverside on the lonely sandbank- under the open sky, without the semblance of a roof over our heads and no parents or relations to preside over the ceremony ?
It seems unreal to me, like a dream. And so I ardently anticipate another "auspicious look" in the clear calm light of morning surrounded by four walls and solid reality. Your sweet smiling face framed in our doorway will for ever remain enshrined in my memory. It is a picture that I long to behold. Dearest, I am a suppliant at the gate of your heart ; do not send me empty away ! Your devoted
RAMESH.
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