Wednesday, December 21, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 61



              Finding the state of her father Hemamalini rose and went over to him, "don't be angry, dad," she murmured. "It was kind of Jogen to offer me a cup of tea and I'm not offended in the least. Come now, you must take something. I know tea doesn't agree with you unless you eat something with it," and she brought a plate of cakes and laid it before him.
           Annada Babu began to eat very slowly.
          Hemamalini returned to her own seat and was on the point of drinking out of the cup that Jogendra had poured. Jogendra immediately rose and took the cup from Hemamalini, then, turning to his father, he said, "I am sorry, please forgive me."
         Annada could not command his voice sufficiently to reply and tears gathered in his eyes. Jogendra and Akshay slipped quietly out of the room. After a few mouthfuls Annada Babu also rose, took his daughter's arm, and tottered upstairs.
        That night he had an attack of acute pain. The doctor was called in and announced that the patient was suffering from internal inflammation ; a stay of a year or six months at least, in some bracing locality up-country might restore his health completely.
       "Hem, dear," said the old man when the pain was easier and the doctor had departed, "let us go to Benares and stay there for a while."
        The same idea had simultaneously occurred to Hemamalini.
        Since Nalinaksha's departure she had become conscious of certain weakening in her devotions. So long as he was at hand she had found her austerities an unfailing solace, and the glow of steadfast piety and tranquil kindliness that illuminated his face had served, as it were, to confirm her faith.
        In his absence it seemed as though her zeal had suffered an eclipse, albeit on the day after his departure she had striven hard against her own inclinations and had attempted to follow his precepts with redoubled keenness. Lassitude had however inevitably set in and generated such despair that she could restrain her tears no longer.
       At the tea-table she had nerved herself to the exercise of hospitality, but a weight had been pressing on her heart and the pain of the old memories reasserted itself in a still more formidable guise. The consciousness that she was without prospect and the impulse to cast herself adrift in desperation returned. Her father's proposal was accordingly most opportune and she embraced it eagerly.
      "Yes, let us go there, dad !" she exclaimed.
       Noticing the bustle of preparation next day Jogendra asked what was up, and his father informed him  that he and Hemamalini were going up-country.
       "Where to ?" inquired Jogendra.
       "We'll tour about a little before we settle down," replied Annada, who shrank from admitting to his son that their destination was Benares.
        "Sorry I can't come with you," said Jogendra, "I have sent in my application for that head-mastership and I'm waiting for an answer."     

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 60



                  Nalinaksha had never visited them so early in the morning and Hemamalini glanced up expectantly at his face. He explained that he had just heard from Benares that his mother was ill ; he would have to leave Calcutta by the night train, and as the whole day would be taken up with preparations for the journey he had come thus early to bid them farewell.
              "I'm greatly distressed to hear of your mother's illness," said Annada Babu. "May Heaven soon restore her to health. I shall never be able to repay you for all the help you have given us during the past weeks."
             "It's I who am in your debt, I assure you," Nalinaksha replied.  "You showed true neighborly feeling in the trouble that you took to make me comfortable next door. Moreover your earnestness has given a new meaning to the profound problems on which I have been meditating some time past. Your manner of life has been an inspiration to me in my speculations and my devotions and has made them appear doubly efficacious. The benefit to be derived from communion with fellow-creatures who share the same aspirations has been brought home to me."
          "Nalin Babu ! Before we knew you, we stood in sore need of something that we could not define. At this juncture you suddenly appeared on the scene and I realized that your help was indispensable. As soon as we heard from Jogen, it was in the nature of miracle that Hem, who never shared the craze for attending and listening to speeches, accepted to the meeting of you without the slightest demur-quite an unprecedented thing, I assure you ! What had happened then was in the nature of a miracle. We are greatly in debt."
         "Let me tell you something in my turn," replied Nalinaksha, "I have never disclosed the intimate facts of life to any one but yourselves. To reach the highest pitch of truthfulness one must lay bare all secrets and it is your help that has enabled me to comply with this insistent requirement. Accordingly you have been indispensable to me."
          Hemamalini, though took no part in the conversation, sat in silent contemplation till Nalinaksha was about to take leave and simply said, "Be sure to let us know how your mother is," and as he rose to depart she prostrated herself before him.
          Akshay had given the house a wide berth of late, but, after Nalinaksha's departure for Benares, Jogendra brought him to tea again. Akshay hoped to gauge from Hemamalini's behavior to what extent the memory Ramesh still obsessed her thoughts,but as a matter of fact she appeared perfectly at ease.
          "We have seen very little of you lately," she remarked with unaffected friendliness.
          "Do you think I'm worth seeing every day ?" he retorted.
          "Well, " laughed Hemamalini, "If you really think one shouldn't pay calls unless one is worth seeing many of us would have to spend our days in solitude !" She poured out a cup of tea for each one of the three including her father.
         "Aren't you going to have any tea ?" asked her brother.
          Hemamalini knew that she must expect a scolding from Jogendra, but she answered with a perfect composure, "No, I've given up tea."
          "So you've turned ascetic in right earnest. Tea-leaves don't contain enough of true spiritual essence, I suppose ? This really is the limit !  Never mind if drinking a cup of tea does interrupt your penance. The most lasting things don't endure for long, so why make fuss about trifles" ; and he poured out another cup and placed it before Hemamalini.
           Leaving it untouched, she exclaimed,"Why, dad, you've taken nothing with your tea ! Won't you eat anything ?"
           Annada Babu's voice and hands trembled with anger as he replied, "Believe me, dear, If I tried to eat anything now it would choke me. I've been trying for a long time to submit in silence to Jogen's rudeness and I'm reduced to such a state that, if I spoke, I should say something in the heat of the moment for which I should be sorry afterwards."  


    

Monday, December 19, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 59



               Sorrow is an emotion which is not content to exist merely as a certain frame of the mind. It seeks to find an outlet in the performance of some difficult task. Daily contact with Nalinaksha had laid bare to Hemamalini her own failings of character and she strove passionately to follow in the track that he had indicated. As time went on she became more and more enamored of the idea of subjecting herself, after the fashion of a devotee, to a stern self-discipline which in itself would serve as a support.
             Hemamlini found a great relief when she formed the resolution to follow in Nalinaksha's footsteps and subject herself to an austere ordinance and a fleshless diet. In pursuance of her decision she stripped her room bare. Carpet and rugs were lifted and stored away, and her bed was hidden behind a screen. Every day she sprinkled water on the floor with her own hands and swept it clean. A flower-bowl was the only ornament that she retained. After bathing she would dress in spotless white and seat herself on the floor, while the sunshine poured unobstructed through the open windows and flooded the room, and she steeped her whole being in the light and winds of heaven.
          Annada Babu could not rise to the same height of religious ecstasy as as his daughter, but he rejoiced at the radiance that her self-imposed discipline imparted to Hemamalini's face. When Nalinaksha visited the house it was on the floor of Hemamalini's room that the trio sat and held converse.
         Jogendra voiced his disapproval loudly. "I don't know what has come over you all," he snarled. "Between the three of you you've made nearly the whole house holy ground ; there's hardly a spot where a fellow like me can set foot."
        Hemamalini would have been offended deeply by her brother's taunts, but now, though Annada Babu's temper occasionally gave way under the lash of Jogendra's sarcasm, Hemamalini followed Nalinaksha's lead and merely smiled sweetly. That her acquaintances derided her austerity as mere eccentricity she new full well, but her trust in Nalinaksha and her admiration for his ideals armed her against all mankind and she faced the world unabashed.
         One morning she had bathed and finished her devotions and was sitting in the solitude of her chamber before the open window, absorbed in meditation, when Annada Babu ushered in Nalinaksha. Hemamalini's heart was full to overflowing. With a gesture of reverence, due only to an honored parent or a venerated preceptor, she prostrated herself before each in turn and touched the dust of their feet, much to Nalinaksha's confusion.
        Annada Babu, however, reassured him. "Don't be embarrassed, Nalinaksha Babu," he said, "she is only doing what is right."          

Sunday, December 18, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 58



               It was told that Nalinaksha was a saintly person and spends the whole day praying and studying the scripture and in the opinion of his acquaintances he was a person of noble character. He had politely declined drinking even tea when offered in Annada Babu's house saying that it was his mother's view of maintaining strict ceremonial purity and he had to avoid any act that would impair the intimacy of their relations. he said, however, he enjoyed the company of people enjoying the pleasure from drinking tea habitually. Hemamalini could not forbear gazing at him in reverent admiration, and her heart went out to him when she observed the expression of grave and earnest devotion that lit up his face the moment he mentioned about his mother. She was conscious of an impulse to question him about his mother, but diffidence forbade.
          Nalinaksha's acquaintance with Annada Babu and his daughter soon ripened to intimacy. Before she knew him, Hemamalini had supposed that Nalinaksha's discourse would be confined to spiritual matters and she had never imagined that one could converse as freely with him on every-day topics as one could with ordinary people. She soon found that he was quite capable of light conversation, and yet in the midst of the most animated talk he retained an air of aloofness.
         Jogendra had, however, become skeptical of the spiritual practices of Nalinaksha and had a dig ; "why, Nalin Babu, your own friends and relations won't be allowed to visit you without being dubbed your 'disciples'. One can't laugh away an insult like that. I've been told that you breath through nostrils ilke a yogi, and gaze at the rising sun, and that you can't eat or drink without all sorts of ceremonial. The result is that you are out of place of common public. You really should give up these practices of yours."
        Nalinaksha offered an explanation ; "well,Jogen Babu, I admit that the man who is out of place in ordinary society must be a fault, but human being finds scope for exhibiting his own peculiar pattern out side society must not be deprived him of that liberty. But what astonishes me is how people can see and find opportunity to discuss what I do out of public eye in the privacy of my own room."
       "Nalin Babu, it is when one does unconventional things, even in supposed privacy, the people would take notice. Observe ordinary conventions and no one will waste a glance on you. Your proceedings on the roof your house are noticed by my sister and she told my dad," objected Jogendra.
       Nalinaksha appeared to have got offended by the remarks of Jogendra.       

Saturday, December 17, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 57



                 Jogendra was not impressed by Nalinaksha's lecture and by the actions of Akshay he understood Akshay was so prejudiced against Ramesh that he tried to make everybody believe that he was the first one to see through Ramesh. Jogendra said that he didn't care for Nalinaksha and he would not help Akshay in making any efforts in the manner of diverting the attention of his father and sister towards Nalinaksha.
            Annada Babu was in the habit of constantly swallowing nostrums prescribed by physicians of both the western and the indigenous schools of medicine. Now, however, he had lost all inclination for drugs. His health was affected but he never made any allusions to his bodily ailments. While her father had fallen asleep in his chair from utter weariness, Hemamalini to her dismay found that Jogendra had brought Nalinaksha home with him ! She was on the point of taking refuge in another room when Jogendra interposed.
            "Hem !" he called to her, "I've brought Nalinaksha Babu. Let me introduce him to you."
           Hem stood still in confusion while Nalinaksha approached and bowed without raising his eyes to her face.
          Meanwhile Annada Babu had awakened and called for his daughter. Hem re-entered the room and announced in a whisper that "Nalinaksha Babu" was there.
          Jogendra ushered in his guest and Annada Babu bustled forward to greet him.
         "We are indeed fortunate !" he exclaimed, "in having a visit from you. Hem, dear, don't run away ; sit down here. Nalinaksha Babu, this is my daughter Hem. She and I were to hear your address the other day and enjoyed it greatly. There was one thing you said-about never loosing what we have once gained and incomplete gain being really a loss-that struck me as a very profound truth. Don't you agree, Hem ? The real test comes when a thing passes out of our possession. Then we know whether it was truly our own or not. I have a request to make of you, Nalin Babu. If you could drop in now and then for a talk we should consider it a great favor. We don't go out much. You may be certain of finding my daughter and myself in this room at whatever hour you call."
        Meanwhile Jogendra excused himself and departed as he was not in the habit of sitting still for long in one place.
        Nalinaksha threw one glance at Hemamalini's self-conscious face before he came with a reply :
        "You mustn't imagine me a solemn prig because I used a lot of long words on the lecture-platform. It was only because the students insisted that I consented to lecture at all-I never could withstand importunate people-but I think I have successfully deterred them from asking for a repetition of the dose ! The lads make no secret of the fact the that most of my address was incomprehensible to them."
        When Nalin Babu was at the point of leaving Annada Babu asked him where he was residing. Nalinaksha laughed.
        "I can't say that I'm living in any particular place at the moment. I have a great many acquaintances and they drag me about with them. I like it well enough, but one requires a little peace and quiet now and then, so Jogen Babu has taken rooms for me in the house next to this. This lane of yours is certainly a restful place."
        Annada Babu was hugely gratified at this announcement, but if he had happened to glance at his daughter he would have noticed a momentary spasm of pain pass over her countenance. The next-door house was the one in which Ramesh had lived.  

Friday, December 16, 2011

THE WRECK; re-visited 56


            Annada Babu and Hemamalini returned from the meeting late in the afternoon.
           "Well, that was indeed a treat," remarked the old gentleman as he seated himself at the tea-table. His mind was so busy that when Hemamalini slipped upstairs after tea he failed to notice her departure. He found Nalinaksha astonishingly young and boyish on the platform. Although he had attained maturity his countenance retained the freshness of youth. Withal he had an air of mystic gravity that seemed to emanate from his inner consciousness.
         The subject of his address was "Loss", and its burden was that without loss there can be no genuine gain. What we obtain without effort is not true gain ; only what is acquired through sacrifice becomes our own in the true and inner sense. He who sees his tangible possessions glide out of his grasp is unfortunate indeed ; but in truth the human soul, in the very act of loosing, retains the power to win back with interest that which is lost.
        If when we suffer loss we can bow our heads, clasp our hands, and pronounce the words, "It is a gift-a gift of renunciation, a gift of sorrow, significance, the transient becomes the eternal, and what was a mere instrument of our daily use becomes an appurtenance of our worship, stored up everlastingly in the treasure-house of the temple of our heart.
       His words had made a deep impression on Hemamalini. As she sat in a silent reverie on the house-top, her heart was full, and earth and sky seemed to her no longer an empty void.
       As they were returning from the lecture Jogendra had remarked to Akshay :
        "Well, you've hit on a most eligible man and no mistake ! But what a mystic he is ! Half of what he said is Greek to me."
        "One has to diagnose the case before one can prescribe the medicine that the patient needs," returned Akshay. "Hemamalini is suffering from a delusion about Ramesh and it requires a mystic to arouse her from it. Did you look at her face while the fellow was spouting ?"
        Jogendra was convinced that Hemamalini heard the lecture with such a great attention that she appreciated the lecture and she would be prepared to bestow her hand on the lecturer.
        "I tell you Jogen," remarked Akshay, "if you produce any one else Hemamalini will contrast him with Ramesh and he won't come well out of the comparison. Now Nalinaksha is not like an ordinary person-it would never occur to one to compare him with any one else. If you can invent some pretext for bringing Nalinaksha here and introducing him to her she'll she will suspect nothing. Then from respectful admiration to an engagement the transition will be gradual and easy."
        "See Akshay, " came out Jogendra, "at the outset I'm not greatly impressed by the fellow. The fact of the matter is, I find Nalinaksha a trifle mysterious. I'm nervous of dealing with that kind of person. It may be a case of 'out of the frying-pan into the fire."
        Akshay gave a lecture to Jogedra to prepare him for the task :
        "Well, old man, if you get burnt it'll be your own fault. You tremble at a shadow these days. Where Ramesh was concerned you people were blind from the start. You thought the world of Ramesh-he was incapable of deceit, the greatest philosopher since Sankaracharya, the most gifted writer of the century, and so on. Personally, I never took to Ramesh ; I've seen lots like him in my time, people with the loftiest ideals. But I never dared open my mouth ; you wouldn't have believed that a worthless incompetent like myself could have any motive but jealousy in criticizing such a genius. I dare say you realize by this time that these supermen are best worshiped from afar ; it's hardly safe to betroth one's sister to them. However, to return to the main issue, remember the Sanskrit proverb, 'One thorn drives out another'. What I propose is the only course open to us at present, and you mustn't cavil at it."


   

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The WRECK; re-visited 55


          Annada Babu regretted his outburst at the tea-table and temporary loss of his usual composer ; and when Jogendra went upstairs he greeted Jogendra accordingly with more than his customary heartiness.
         "Come along, Jogedra, come and sit down, lad !"
         "Look here , dad," began Jogendra, "you and Hemamalini never seem to stir out of the house nowadays. Staying indoors all day can't be good for you."
        "Well,well," replied Annada, "we've always been stay-at-home folk. Besides, one has to cudgel one's brains for an excuse to take Hem out."   
     "Come now, dad," put in Hemamalini, "you mustn't put the blame on me. You know I'm quite ready to go  anywhere with you." She tried to have them believe that she took a lively interest in all that happened outside.
       "Well,dad, " said Jogendra, "there's to be a meeting to-morrow ; you had better take Hem to it."
       Annada Babu was aware of Hemamalini's constitutional distaste for crowded public assemblies, and instead of answering he looked across at his daughter for guidance.
      "A meeting !" she cried, with a forced animation. "Who is the speaker to be ?"
      "Doctor Nalinaksha. He is a remarkably fine speaker, and what's more he has a most extraoridinary history. Such self-denial ! Such constancy ! He's a man in a million," told Jogendra, and yet two hours before he had known nothing of Nalinaksha save one vague rumor !
     "Well, dad," said Hemamalini, with a display of alacrity, "we must certainly go and hear this paragon."
      Annada was by no means convinced by Hemamalini's show of eagerness ; still he was sensible of a certain relief and Hemamalini would regain her normal tone. The society of one's fellow-men is the surest remedy for mental disorders.
        "All right," he said, "you take us to the meeting to-morrow and see that we're there in good time ; but tell me what you know about Nalinaksha. One hears so many different stories about him."
       Jogendra commenced with a tirade against scandal-mongers in general.
       "The ultra-religious," he began, "believe that Heaven entrusted them at birth with a licence to slander and abuse their fellow-men indiscriminately. There's no one more uncharitable and malevolent than these piety-merchants !" and Jogendra's indignation boiled over.
       "I'm with you ; I'm with you," repeated Annada soothingly. "To be always discussing his neighbors'failings makes a man sour, narrow-minded, and suspicious."
       "Hello, dad !" exclaimed Jogendra, "are you having a dig at me ? I'm not like these pious folk, you know ; I can praise as well as blame. I'm quite prepared to tell a man my opinion of him to his face and back it up with my fists if necessary !"
       "Don't be foolish, Jogen," Annada hastened to reply ; "of course, I wasn't thinking of you. Surely I know you by this time !"
        Jogen now launched forth into the story of Nalinaksha, lavishing on his subject all the eulogy at his command.
        "It was to make his mother happy," he concluded, "that Nlinaksha subdued his natural insticts and went live in Benares ; and all these friends of yours, dad, have seized the opportunity to invent scandalous stories about him. Personally, I admire his conduct. What do you say Hem ?"
        "I'm of your opinion," said Hemamalini.
        "I knew that Hem would approve of his action," resumed Jogendra. "I haven't the least doubt that if the occasion arose she would exercise equal self-denial to make her father happy."
        Annada cast an affectionate glance at his daughter. Hem's face turned crimson, and she dropped her eyes in confusion.